Sunday, January 15, 2012

Yes, Officer, Is Something Wrong?

Wayne's World is one of my all-time favorite movies.  I'm sure most "real" movie critics would likely laugh at that notion, but Rotten Tomatoes gives it an 85% Fresh rating, so I guess I'm not alone in my affinity for it.  There's something endearing about the characters, even the unlikable ones, and the film almost seems to poke fun at it's own silliness. It's chock full of satire, and despite the fact I've seen it hundreds of times, I still laugh everytime.

Today, Adrienne, Jackie, and I took a nice Sunday drive to visit my hometown and eat dinner at Patti's in Grand Rivers.  It was a great day...Got to show Jackie the town I grew up in, she visited my parents' house for the first time, and we got to spend time with Baby Lydia, which, by itself, makes it worth the six hours of driving.

By this point, you're probably asking yourself, "What the hell does Wayne's World have to do with going home to visit family?"  Well, you'll see in a moment.  In the meantime, watch this scene from that cinematic classic:

On the drive back, we got on I-65 at Bowling Green.  I was driving, and as we came around the exit ramp to get on the interstate, we passed a state trooper sitting on the side of the road.  None of us really thought anything of it, because there was a downed street light, so we just assumed he was taking care of that.

We continued on, and I saw in the rear-view mirror that the cop had pulled back onto the highway, but, again, didn't think anything of it.  About three minutes later, he pulled behind me and flashed his blue lights.  Inside the car, we were clueless.

"Why are you getting pulled over?" Adrienne said.
"I honestly have no idea...I'm not speeding or anything," I replied.  And I wasn't speeding.
"He's probably been following us for a long time," Jackie said.
"No, we passed him just a second ago...He was parked on the side of the road."
"Well, everybody just stay calm...Oh, I don't have my seat belt on," Jackie commented from the backseat.  It was one of those comments made out loud that's not really intended for any particular listener.  But she buckled up anyway.

So I pulled over, growing increasingly nervous, because I honestly had no idea why I had been pulled over.  The cop approached the passenger side, and I rolled down the window.

Before I could even ask what the problem was, he chimed in.  "I clocked you at 74 in a 55 MPH zone."
I was blindsided, and my candor most definitely illustrated that point.
"REALLY?!  WHERE?!" I exclaimed.
"You were speeding in a work zone."
"I didn't see any signs!"
"There were four."
"Well, I must say, I didn't see any signs either," Jackie said from the back.

He asked for my license, and I handed it over.  He then asked if I had proof of insurance.
"I don't know, it's her car," I said as I pointed at Jackie.  Adrienne shot me a glare from the passenger side.

Jackie instructed Adrienne to find the insurance card in the glove compartment.  Of course, the only card in there was expired, so Jackie turned on the dome light to search through her purse for the current one.

The officer was met with a great aerial view of McDonald's bags, empty cups, a beautiful Looney Tunes pillow, a blanket or two, and Jackie, frantically pulling card after card from her wallet.

"Let's see...2011...2011, nope....Oh, here it is.  And here's my registration sticker," she said as she handed to goodies to Adrienne.

 "Thank you," the officer said as he shined his Maglight on the card.  "Uh, ma'am, do you have a current proof of insurance?"
"OH, hahaha, I'm sorry.  Hang on just a second!" She said going back to the wallet with old receipts and gift cards poking out of every crevice.  "2011.......Nope, 2011..."
Adrienne glanced at the officer and slightly shook her head, as if to say "what can you do?"  He just stood there...Freezing, and growing increasingly impatient.

"Do you even have insurance?" He finally asked.
"Hahaha...Yes I do...Farm Bureau!"  Despite the uneasy situation, it was almost impossible not to laugh.
"Well, I'm going to take your word for it.  Just pay more attention, slow down, and make sure you put this registration tag on your plates when you get home," he said, obviously a bit annoyed by the entire ordeal.
"Hahaha, oh I definitely will, officer.  Thank you so much."  Jackie never stopped laughing the entire time.

As we continued on, we laughed for days about the entire situation.  The fact Jackie couldn't find her insurance card was one thing...The fact she gave the cop her current registration tags unsolicited was hilarious.  Then, to top it off, he literally could've cited us for three violations, and let us go.  All because of Jackie's hilarious antics in the back seat.

There's no question I would've gotten a ticket had she and Adrienne not been in the car, and for that I'm grateful.  But, even if I had gotten a ticket, the whole situation would still be hilarious, and one worth retelling over and over.  Which, I'm sure we will.  What a great day.


  1. What can I say? Once again another hilarious moment with the Turner Girls. You might as well get use to this, Zach. The only thing that would have made this situation any funnier would have been if Sheree was in the car as well.

  2. ...or if Mom had pulled an unsolicited gun out from under the Looney Tunes pillow.

    I'm telling ya, Zach, if you ever take a road trip, bring Mom along. She has gotten out of 4 or 5 tickets by being cute and funny and saying stuff like "well, officer, I was a drivin' and a singin.'"

    Well done. Love reading your posts.

  3. I heard the drivin' and a singin' story less than a mile after this fiasco. Hilarious.